Tuesday, April 20, 2010


Are you singing the song in your head....or out loud yet? I can hear it! Well, it is the number one thing that you can give your man. I have been reading the book For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn. This book looks at what you need to know about the inner lives of men. I'm sure you are all going to be racing out to get this one after hearing the subtitle. I believe Chapter 2 is a huge thing for all of us as women to understand. The chapter is titled "Your Love Is Not Enough." Respect means more to our husbands that even our love. They definitely want our love, but without our respect, the love doesn't mean anything to him.

Feldhahn surveyed many men and asked them "If you had to choose, would you rather feel alone and unloved in the world OR would you rather feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone?" Men hands done said they would rather feel unloved and alone. Women asked this same question said they would rather feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone. While women need love....men need respect, especially from his woman, his partner in life. Actually the men surveyed felt that the two choices were not even different. "What that translates to is this: If you want to love your man in the way he needs to be loved, then you need to ensure that he feels your respect most of all." To do that here are a few interesting tidbits that might help us.

-Anger is often a man's response to feeling disrespected.

-Just as our men can choose to demonstrate love toward us even if they don't feel it at the moment, we can and should choose to demonstrate respect.

Need #1 Respect his judgement. Our men deeply need us to respect their knowledge, opinions, and decisions. This means don't question their knowledge or the argue with their decisions all the time. Feldhahn said, "Several men confessed that they felt like their opinions and decisions were actively valued in every area of their lives except at home. Some men felt their comrades at work trusted their judgment more than their own wives did." This is very sad to me. I don't want my husband to feel this way. I was to make sure that I respect his judgment.

Need #2 Respect his abilities- Men have the strong need to be able to figure things out for themselves. I can relate here, because I am someone who likes to try to figure things out too. I know how I feel if someone starts to questions whether I can do something or if I know how. It makes me feel really small. This is what it does to our men too. Even if you get lost and your man is at the wheel...let him figure it out. Don't insist that he pull over and ask someone for directions.

Need #3 Respect in communication. "Women hold an incredible power in the way we communicate with our men (both husbands and sons) to build them up or to tear them down, to encourage or to exasperate."

-Some things just push a man's buttons. This goes beyond what we say--and into how we say it.

A large number of men also read something negative into the simple female reminder. More than one-third of these men took that reminder as nagging or as an accusation of laziness or mistrust. Remember the verse Proverbs 21:9 that says, "Better to live on the corner of a roof than to share a house with a nagging wife."

Need #4 Respect in public. Ladies this means building him up in front of others not tearing him down or teasing him. Be respectful even when he is absent. Showing public respect goes a long way.

Need #5 Respect in our assumptions. This means always assuming the best of him and not the worst. For some reason, it is easy for us as woman to jump to conclusions and assume things.

The bottom line "a man's heart is powerfully touched by a few simple words: 'I'm so proud of you.'" Remember this and tell him often. Affirm your man, he needs that affirmation from you more than anyone else. He is the man you choose to do life with. Love on him. Respect him. I love what Feldhahn says on page 50, "If a man's wife believes in him, he can conquer the world--or at least his little corner of it."

1 comment:

  1. I have this book...I NEED to pick it up and read it!